Here's the thing: diabetes changes you. Forever.
by IDS Emotional Health Counselor, Anna Sabino MSW, CDCES
Whether the person in your family living with T1D is you, your spouse, or your child – it changes everyone. It becomes part of the architecture of your life. It's invisible… until it's not.
I was the kid in elementary school who "got to eat a snack" and "got to miss five minutes of history every day." In my head, I'd think, Do you want to get your finger pricked instead? You get the picture.
And even now, the people closest to me — family, longtime friends — don't fully get it. I'm not sure they ever will. I wrestle with this question often:
Who do I really need to understand? And how deeply?
Many of us have watched our relationships shift because of T1D. Some stories still sting. But over time, I've realized something important. I don't actually need perfect understanding. I don't need flawless language. I don't even need them to avoid the question that makes me bristle — "Are you sure you want to eat that?"
What I need is simpler, and harder:
- Offer to help.
- Check in.
- Stay curious.
- Be willing to sit in it with me.
Because unless you are living it — physically calculating carbohydrates, watching the graph to see how your body responds, feeling the sweat rise while standing in a grocery store line and handing over an empty bottle of Gatorade to treat a low — you won't fully understand. And maybe that's okay.
The question I still ask myself is this:
Is there anything I can do to help people understand more? Should I invite them to follow my numbers for a few days? Should I explain more? Should I ask more of them?
I don't know.
What I do know is this: I need a small circle.
A group of people I can turn to when I need support. Not a huge audience — just a few who are steady. People who will show up.
That has become part of my healing, too.
In the meantime, here are a few things that have helped both me and my clients navigate the "will they ever get it" question….
Invite people into your world.
Narrate your thinking when it makes sense — carb counting, checking your device, choosing a meal. Make the invisible visible. Your friends can't read your mind, your fears. Even though that's really what we want.
Give a heads up before plans.
A simple text works: "My blood sugar's been high today, so I'll probably go lower carb tonight." Sharing ahead of time reduces pressure in the moment.
Use the phrase: "This is important to me because…"
You don't need perfect wording. You just need clarity. Let people know what you need — even if you're still figuring it out.
Small glimpses into your daily reality can create understanding. And sometimes, that's enough. Could be "following" you on CGM for 24 hours, or just a quick "hey I'm thinking of you."
If this resonates with you — if diabetes has reshaped your relationships, your identity, or your sense of safety — you are not alone. Maybe this month, open your windows, your mind, to a new approach to letting people in.
See you in therapy,
Anna
